


reflections

by adorasluthor



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AgentCorp, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Romance, Supercorp Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23051611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorasluthor/pseuds/adorasluthor
Summary: The reason for the uneasy feelings burning up in her chest wasn't as bad as the other life events she watched unfolding in front of her without being able to do a single thing.It was Alexandra Danvers.or, agentcorp post reveal
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 92





	reflections

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to pull an euphoria (tv show) narration style and failed miserably as you can see
> 
> be aware that english is not my first language
> 
> that's it, buckle up

They say people learn something new everyday, like how not to bite your nails too short or it will hurt. Although Lena knew that, it was hard to remember whenever she felt too nervous about something. Like when she was waiting outside a surgery room to know if her adoptive father (that she'd later discover to be also her biological one) would survive. Or whenever she did something "wrong" in her stepmom's view, and was afraid what horrible thing Lilian would say to her now. Or when Lex had already become mad due to his hatred for aliens and she was helping the police catch him (that was before he tied her up in a chair and made her watch as the world burnt with red sun light, that was an exception because she couldn't move her hands).

And currently the reason for the uneasy feelings burning up in her chest wasn't as bad as the other life events she watched unfolding in front of her without being able to do a single thing. 

It was _Alexandra Danvers._

And she had the opportunity to do something. She was in control now. Unlike the past three years where her best friend (and the other friends that came along with that relationship) had been lying straight to her face. 

Lena was aware of Kara's secret, — apparently, her dying brother's last wish was to take everything good in her life away from her — and she could do whatever she wanted about it. The power and control over her life that she always craved for herself had finally arrived. 

She had killed, _scratch that,_ murdered her brother, found out she had been fooled once again by him, and, on top of that, for all of her so called friends, along with Lillian confessing she loved her. But, in counterpoint, the world was a better place without Lex, she had learned her lesson to never trust anyone ever again, and she didn't love Lilian (how could anybody love someone who tormented them their whole life while growing up). 

The not trusting part came easily with Eve and her friend's betrayal. Kara's betrayal, yes, and yet she couldn't feel a single bad thing for her. She felt tremendously betrayed by the friend she most cared and trusted in the world, however she still couldn't hate Kara, even if she tried.

And Lena was trying, hard.

She wanted to hate her, for her to experience the same pain she had inflicted on the best friend she swore to be truthful with. But she also... didn't.

She knew she had forgiven Kara in her heart. It only took the weeping speech and beautiful words she spoke towards her and that was it. 

She was forgiven. In her heart. Her brain had other ideas though, “just stick to the plan. You're doing good.” Was she? She was a Luthor for God's sake, she couldn't let someone hurt her like that and doesn't pay the price. She was a scorpion and scorpions sting.

And then there was Alex. 

Logically speaking she hadn't lied to the green eyed Luthor. She had hidden about her actual job at the DEO (but they had sorted that out), and her sister's secret wasn't hers to tell, but no, Lena wouldn't let her guard down for anyone, specially her… ex best friend's sister and yet, there was just something… off about their relationship that she couldn't really place. 

She wanted to stay away from her, what a joke, friends, but not the redhead. No matter how hard she tried, something kept pulling her towards the Director, like a magnet, which was physically impossible and actually really damn annoying unless Alex was also an alien with some sort of magnet powers — but no, she wasn't. At least she hoped not, because that certainly would be a big surprise.

She didn't know exactly how long she had been staring at the camera directly pointed at her penthouse's entry, but it definitely wasn't seconds.

The Luthor woman took a deep breath and… she was shaking, why was she shaking? She just had a 6 feet tall scarily hot redhead woman who happened to be sisters with Supergirl at her front door, no big deal.

She made sure everything was in place (which meant her secret plans were very well hidden and talkative Alexa… no, Hope was off), and opened the door with a smile on her face.

"I wasn't expecting you here, come-" the redhead got in her place before she had a chance to finish her sentence. 

Annoying.

She held herself not to use one of her death glares or clench her jaw and closed the door, before turning her face into the other woman's view.

"What do I owe you the pleasure of your visit?" she said lightly, trying to joke. She and Alex used to joke.

"Cut the crap, Lena, I know you are lying."

The brunette raised her eyebrows, surprised "I beg your pardon?"

Alex closed her eyes letting out a sigh, "I'm sorry for snapping, that isn't your fault," her eyes found Lena again "But I still know you are lying." 

She tried to interrupt the Director, the latter raised her index finger in a gesture of silence though "I don't think you forgave Kara. It was a really nice speech that genuinely came from the bottom of your heart. You said those words and hugged her, but I saw you after. You're lying to yourself, Lena, I know you are so, just… let me in, please."

The CEO kept her stare on Alex while weightening her options. She could keep lying and Alex would believe her, or she could keep lying but Alex wouldn't let go off it and keep an eye on her, she was a trained Agent and the Director of the DEO for a reason.

Or she could go with the simplest option and just tell her the truth. But Luthors don't do things simply. 

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Alex dared to reach closer, taking a few steps towards the smaller woman "I know you do" she said softly this time, much different from her earlier attitude. "I just want to help. I care about you, Lena."

She allowed herself to look away when her heart skipped a beat. There it was. Her mother would call her pathetic if she could see her now, throwing away her opportunity to manipulate Alex in behalf of her silly feelings.

"I don't know what to believe." Lena let a fraction of emotion slip.

"You can believe me. I'm here. I'm real" she couldn't understand how there was so much sincerity and warmth in Alex's glare, how the Danvers sisters had the power to make all of her problems suddenly vanish with nothing more than words, but this one in specific could do much more taking in consideration other factors.

Lena managed to show her a shrug "There's just nothing to tell, Alex" the name felt sour in her mouth for lying.

The DEO agent inched closer allowing herself to get a grip of Lena's hand. She caressed the soft skin before looking up to meet her eyes. 

"Okay. I believe you." 

Lena managed to give her a warm smile that made her own heart sink in her chest as she intertwined their fingers. Alex looked uncertain before deciding to take a leap of faith and placing a kiss on Lena’s cheek. Her face looked just as surprised as the redhead’s and Lena felt her inner turmoil starting to grow.

“I… I should keep going,” Alex started pulling away from the brunette, she missed the proximity they had shared moments ago already. “I have a lot of work because of J’onn’s brother” she let out a sigh followed by a gentle squeeze on Lena’s hand. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I’ll catch you up on it later, alright?” the CEO naturally nodded amidst clouded thoughts.

She wasn’t sure if Alex actually cared or if this was simply another act to keep her at bay, don’t add fuel to the crazy Luthor genes.

Alex gave her a last glimpse of a smile before leaving through the same door she had stepped in her apartment minutes ago and Lena never felt so alone.

_*******************_

Brainy had just left alongside everyone else, — Alex and J’onn — she was alone in the room with the chance of putting her plan in practice. Luthor took the small device from her pocket, all she had to do was connect it to the equipment they had been working on, so that Malefic would end up in her lab instead of back to the Phantom Zone. She just had to reach it and attach what she held between her fingers. 

It was a simple and easy task, however her hands wouldn’t move.

Lena couldn’t do that, she couldn’t betray them. On the other hand, they had betrayed her, broken her trust and this was for the greater good, it wasn’t some petty revenge, it was an opportunity to help everyone, aliens and humans, so she didn’t understand why she felt paralyzed. 

Perhaps because that was it, that was the final step, she couldn’t come back from that.

Luthor still had Eve Teschmacher locked up in her lab, untouched and in one piece, she was still her, not Hope, like she had planned to do. That blame fell onto her moral and ethic side who spoke louder and louder since Alex started to check on her more often. Phone calls, texts, and sometimes she’d even drop by her penthouse or L-Corp.

She was ruining Lena’s plan without even being aware of it. 

The scientist was so lost in thought that she didn’t hear footsteps approaching her, it wouldn’t make such a difference anyway, Alex was a trained agent, she could be quiet when she wanted to.

“Lena?” she tried before the woman slid the small metallic form back in her pocket and turned her attention to the redhead who cracked a small smile. “I came back to-”

“Check on me” Lena didn’t let her finish.

“Busted” the Director stated walking towards her.

“Why are you constantly checking on me, is it because I know your sister’s secret now and you’re worried that I might go all Luthor? Or…?” it was asked with emotion spilling out, Lilian certainly wouldn’t be proud of her uncontrolled behavior, but she couldn’t stand that anymore.

“Because I care, Lena. I care about you, you are my friend, and friends help each other during tough times.”

Friends. 

On a spur of moment, she remembered the hypocrisy in the speech she had given Brainy about asking for help, when herself almost never did that.

“I can tell that there’s something bothering you” Alex exhaled and there was a moment before Lena shook her head and managed to open a small smile. 

"I didn't mean to snap. I'm just… tired" she lied getting closer to the woman "Everything's been a mess since Lex, even more of a mess." 

The Director shot her a comprehensive smile and reached for her hand as she had done that day back at her penthouse.

"You don't need to keep everything to yourself, sharing is good" Lena allowed herself to raise an eyebrow and Alex chuckled "Kelly has been giving me some advice. I think everyone could use some therapy at this point." 

"That's one way to put it" she let her words out with a breath before turning her gaze to Alex's hand enveloping hers. 

The CEO couldn't have guessed what happened next even if she tried, before lifting her head so she could face the redhead again and give her some halfway excuse about how she should go back to L-Corp since Brainy's problem with the projector was solved, the Director pulled her into her chest and surrounded her body with her arms. A hug. Alex had pulled her into a _hug._

Lena stood there unable to move for a while without being able to register what had just happened. She had gotten used to Kara's bone crushing, but warm, hugs, and now she actually understood the reason they always felt a bit… breathtaking, quite literally, but Alex… Alex had never hugged her. She had never felt that kind of warmth and closeness from the redhead until now. 

The other woman must have sensed what appeared to be discomfort from the brunette, she felt the warm body slipping away, so she wrapped her own arms around the taller woman swiftly, corresponding the act of affection.

She indulged herself to rest her head against the woman's shoulder, chest to chest, she could feel Alex's torso raising and falling due to her breathing, her hand that caressed Lena’s back in gentle, comforting circles, and when her rose cheek met the cold material of Alex's suit she didn't bother, suddenly she didn't feel so alone.

_*******************_

Her mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time, memories of her excruciating childhood surrounded by pain cursed through her brain, Lex, Lex, and more Lex and then Kara, oh Kara, and Alex too. Her brother, her best friend, the woman she had fallen for. All together. 

Her family's cursed last name, the weight of it everyday on her shoulders and how much she had fought to prove to everyone that she wasn't like them, and once again, she had stood at the edge of the precipice, but this time she leaped, and how far she had landed.

Her best friend who had been lying to her for three long years, who had said to her face it wasn't a good idea for a Luthor to know who she truly was as she talked about betrayal and kryptonite, who had looked at her and pretended to be someone she wasn't.

Alex who made her believe she hated Supergirl, her own very sister who she'd cross any line to protect, whom she loved more than herself, who spoke sweet fake pretend words after her brother attempted on her life once again.

Danvers entered her penthouse without knocking or ringing the doorbell, she left the door hanging open as she quickly stepped into the living room looking for the brunette.

Lena paced her foot against the carpet, only stopping as Alex got in her sight. She glared up at the redhead, before she could say anything, Kara’s sister started her sentence.

"Are you alright?" she nodded "Thank God, you said it was urgent, I thought something bad had happened…"

The CEO raised from her spot on the couch "It did."

Alex looked at her confused and took a step forward intuitively to check Lena for bruises, however the brunette walked backwards, away from her reach. 

"Tell me, _Director_ , are you, were you using me all this time? For information, to look after Supergirl, or whatever other reasons you might have."

Her face turned into an unpleasant expression, as if she had tasted something bitter in her tongue.

"I thought we were past that, Lena, I-"

"We aren't past anything! _This_ is happening right now! You lied to me, all of you did. And-" she took a moment to snort "And you thought I'd just be okay with it!? After finding out my so called friends lied to my face for years, despite the fact that I repeatedly and desperately told them how betray had damaged me."

Alex only stared at her briefly before thinking about replying "It's okay, I understand you, your feelings are valid. We did lie and we weren't the best kind of friends to you, but-"

"I don't need you to fucking validate my feelings, Alexandra."

"I know you don't, that's not how I meant it" her eyes closed followed by a low sigh, prior to looking at Lena again. "It will take time for you to trust us again, but for now, I just ask that you take a big leap of faith and let me in."

"Eve Teschmacher is locked up in my lab as we speak. I kidnapped her." 

Alex raised her eyebrows in surprise and dropped her hands, previously locked against her hips, to her sides. 

"I didn't see that coming."

"I bet you didn't" Lena moved up her chin defiantly "What are you going to do now? Arrest me, Director? That's your job, right?"

"I'm Alex Danvers having a chat with her friend," an earnestly look was reached Lena "I'm not Director Danvers right now."

"Oh, so you have a double personality as well" she mocked. "You could lock me up and end this once and for all, why still pretend you care?"

"Because I do care, Lena. I care about you as hard as it might seem in this moment" the brunette pursed her lips as Alex reached out her hand into the space between them, trying to give more intonation to what she was about to declare "You can't shut us out. You can't shut _me_ out. We will work this out, _together_ , just please, don't push everyone out of your life. I care about you, about how you feel. Hell, I love you—" was blurted out followed by a pointless cough giving her a chance to correct herself. "Friendly" she let out in a whisper making Lena snort softly.

The young Luthor looked away considering the other woman's words as her eyes started to water against her will. That was what she was yearning for, honesty. She had been too shaken up to realize that Kara had poured her heart out and sincerely wished for forgiveness at the Pulitzer party, nonetheless Alex wasn't like Kara, she was straight forward most of the times and Lena appreciated that. 

Alex was being honest, and she believed it despite the unfortunate events that had proceeded that conversation. Something inside her decided she was a fool for trusting her again so effortlessly and she agreed, yet she couldn't help it.

When she turned back to the redhead her cold facade was gone, tears rolled down her cheeks, she was letting herself be seen in a defenseless state again, fragile and overwhelmed. The Luthor heir was giving Alex permission to see her like that, the vulnerability and fear of being lied to again shining upon her eyes. 

Lena cries, and sobs, and curses, and Alex let her, no broken promises or vows tried to consume the silence that followed in the half lighted living room. Although they remained unspoken, there was no scarcity in the feeling Alex emanated to her, only her arms wrapped tightly around the smaller woman. That was enough of a promise, one she didn't have to let a single word out of her mouth to be explicit to Lena. 

She wasn't alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it 
> 
> dedicated to: camila (happy bday), maria, julia and blue


End file.
